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MOVIE REVIEW | 'DR. SEUSS' THE CAT IN THE HAT'
My, a Cat Can Be Mean on a Very Big Screen
By A. O. SCOTT
 n 1957 Dr. Seuss published "The Cat in the Hat,"
a whimsical story of feline misrule written in infectious four-beat
anapestic lines, that forever changed the way American children learn
to read. The book's rambunctious main character and its giddy, slightly
disconcerting treatment of mischief in the absence of maternal
supervision have proven remarkably durable as generations of children
have grown to adulthood with its antic rhymes firmly lodged in their
heads. Advertisement | |
And now Hollywood, perhaps inevitably, has gone and messed it up. Under
the supervision of Brian Grazer, who was responsible for the monstrous
"Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas" three years ago, and with
the permission of Audrey Geisel, the author's widow and the custodian
of his posthumous reputation, the first-time director Bo Welch has put
together a vulgar, uninspired lump of poisoned eye candy that Universal
has the temerity to call "Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat." It is nothing
of the kind, despite voice-over narration that occasionally tries to
imitate the cadences of Seussian verse and sets that sporadically evoke
Seuss's antic draftsmanship.
"It is fun to have fun," the Cat famously warned, "but you have to know
how." This movie, which opens today nationwide, is a remarkably
thorough demonstration of how not to. The Cat is impersonated by Mike
Myers, in heavy white makeup and scruffy black fur, speaking in a voice
somewhere between Bert Lahr doing the Cowardly Lion and a third-rate
Borscht Belt comedian telling toilet jokes. Some of those are thrown in
as an apparent concession to the comedic tastes of today's youth, along
with some nasty ethnic insult humor and an egregious exercise in family
therapy slapped on to make the whole sorry, cynical mess seem wholesome
and uplifting.
Now, I don't want to sound like the scolding fish, who is on hand here,
in a much-diminished, computer-animated capacity, to warn about the
consequences of bad behavior. Flatulence and scatology have their place
in the comic repertory, as, I suppose, do jokes about hairballs and
castration. Any sort of joke can be justified, provided it's funny, but
there is scarcely a moment of genuine laughter in the mercifully brief
78 minutes of this "Cat."
The problem is that Mr. Myers, Mr. Welch and a squad of frantic
screenwriters throw in disparate elements out of sheer laziness,
concocting a grueling, chaotic stew of forced whimsy that utterly lacks
imaginative integrity or visual spark. David Newman's score is clever
and playful, but it is so catastrophically at odds with what is on the
screen that it only makes matters worse, like a noisemaker wielded by a
drunken birthday-party clown desperate to prevent his cranky audience
from showing signs of boredom.
The plot is needlessly elaborate. The mother — represented in the book
by a slim, mysterious ankle — is a real estate agent named Joan Walden
(Kelly Preston) who leaves her children, Conrad and Sally, in the care
of a drowsy, overweight baby sitter named Mrs. Kwan (Amy Hill). Joan, a
single mother, has a suitor, a cretinous next-door neighbor named Quinn
(Alec Baldwin), who is trying to persuade her to send Conrad to
military school.
Conrad and Sally are played by two smart young actors, Spencer Breslin ("The Kid") and Dakota Fanning ("I Am Sam,"
speaking of Seussiana), and they almost turn their tired behavioral
stereotypes into real characters. Conrad is slovenly and undisciplined,
while Sally is an aggressive perfectionist, mapping out her daily to-do
list on an electronic organizer. The Cat will teach the boy some
responsibility, the girl some spontaneity, and the two of them to
appreciate each other better. Isn't that nice?
No, it isn't. Mr. Myers's manic impishness, which has been quite
diverting in other contexts, feels grating and inappropriate here. All
he is doing is showing off, and it becomes wearisome in a hurry,
especially when he tries to pander to the grown-ups with sketch-comedy
parody, like an interminable infomercial sendup. I am tempted to say
that this Cat should be tied up in a sack and drowned, but I wouldn't
want to condone cruelty to animals, even metaphorically. Cruelty to
classic works of children's literature is bad enough.
Neutering, to prevent this beast from spawning sequels, is perhaps the
most humane solution. Or maybe it is best to follow the advice of that
wise fish: "Make that cat go away! Tell that cat in the hat you do not
want to play." "Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat" is rated PG (Parental guidance suggested) for some naughty jokes and coarse innuendoes. DR. SEUSS' THE CAT IN THE HAT
Directed by Bo Welch; written by Alec Berg, David Mandel and Jeff
Schaffer, based on the book by Dr. Seuss; director of photography,
Emmanuel Lubezki; edited by Don Zimmerman; music by David Newman;
production designer, Alex McDowell; produced by Brian Grazer; released
by Universal Pictures/DreamWorks Pictures/Imagine Entertainment.
Running time: 78 minutes. This film is rated PG.
WITH: Mike Myers (the Cat), Alec Baldwin (Quinn), Kelly Preston (Joan
Walden, the Mom), Dakota Fanning (Sally), Spencer Breslin (Conrad) and
Amy Hill (Mrs. Kwan).
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