Quote #1 from today, after an iMessage conversation and involving a ton of context that I wouldn’t print here if you paid me:

> Only through that kind of multi-generational emotional torsion can you twist someone around far enough to have them believe they really want to wear inside-out bear costume feet someone named “Uggs”.

Quote #2, in re “Coakley lawsuit wants colleges ex-chief to repay millions”. I write,

> ‘Northeastern University investigative reporting students’!
>
> I’ll grant you that I only skimmed the article, but I don’t entirely get the grounds on which the state is suing him.
>
> Also, I don’t entirely understand how you can just get your organization to pay for a bunch of stuff without their knowing about it.

whereupon (here’s where the funny comes in) my friend replies:

> Right. Like: he founded a college, then spent millions on vacation homes and Mercedes, and then Northeastern students noticed when they made an Excel spreadsheet of public data and sorted by the “salary” column. Why didn’t I think of that?!?